What am I feeling, I don’t even know.
There’s pain inside me that continues to grow.
But what is it really this pain that I feel?Nothing but neurotransmitters and synapses that I can’t reach to heal.
My head feels distorted I feel like a mess, and when people see me they think I just need some rest.
But I don’t know what to do anymore and this uneasiness is growing.
It’s so hard to keep going without it showing.
How do I hide it how do I Deceive u?
This pain is heavy and you’ve already seen the preview.
But it’s not just in me, I’m just not good at hiding it.
I see it in others and I don’t know how they fight it.
I’ve been as strong as I can be and I don’t know where to turn,
but to pills and to doctors and to see what other diplomas I can earn,
to keep me busy to keep my mind shut, because I just don’t know how, I just can’t figure out, how to get out of this rut.
When you see me grumpy or sad and like I just don’t want to talk,
just know that I use all my energy even just to walk,
with a smile on my face with a listening ear,
for my patients and family and for you my sweet dear.
It’s not that I’m ungrateful for the life ive been granted,
My insides just feel chaotic and running frantic.
I wish I could tell you why this is the case,
but the older I grow the more I see it in my face.
And the loneliness adds to this growing monster,
please teach me lord which way I can conquer,
My monster is with me wherever I go,
just watching and waiting for it’s time to glow,
And it’s power over me is overwhelmingly strong,
I feel like itll never go away and we’ll just have to get along.
I think now I understand,
Maybe this isn’t the problem at hand,
Maybe it’s isn’t it’s death that I seek,
But to tame him and no longer allow him to speak,
its lies into my ears and it thoughts into my life,
Which fog my path and fill my life with strife,
I can do this, I know it, and not just for me.
My monster could seep it’s way into your life u see.
So I’ll tame him, for u, and for us, and for me.
I’ll tame this monster quietly besides me